I'm a Fat Monster, Rah Rah Rah

I've had at least 2-3 boyfriends who have referred to me as their "little monster". Do you know why? BECAUSE I EAT LIKE A DAMN MONSTER. My dad has said to me thousands of time since I was little: "You always were a good eater".

I swear, I'd bite my own hand if it got in the way of my food sometimes.

I go on these kicks, which I'm sure a lot of people would call a diet. It's not a diet, it's a damn disease. I have a problem with hyperfocusing, especially when it comes to food. I literally overeat and shovel food into my mouth to the point where I make myself sick. Truly sick. I've vomited literally just from eating too much a week and a half ago. Not self-induced; I just actually ate so much my body rejected it and this is NOT after eating lightly previously.

Or, I compulsively under-eat, I work out constantly, and walk around mostly nude to glare at myself in mirrors as I walk by. I set out food in front of me and just stare at it until I'm ready to throw it away. I jog in place while I watch anorexia documentaries and think "that girl isn't that skinny".

You know, it'd be nice to not have a love/hate relationship with food in my life. Yet, like ever other abusive and addictive thing, you gotta know that will never happen.

P.S. I really hate cats (and generally these types of pictures), but this picture is totally appropriate.