Master Cleanse - First Few Days

So this is Day 3 on the Master Cleanse. I decided I had to do it because I really wanted to quit smoking and because I eat like CRAP. Seriously. Saturday night, my last solid meal, was an entire pan of cheese fries and 3 slices of pepperoni pizza. So, I wanted to do the Master Cleanse for more of a fresh state, cleansing project and any weight loss would be more of a benefit. It's supposed to get rid of food cravings, nicotine cravings, caffeine cravings, improve skin/hair/energy levels, etc. It really seems magical and unbelievable when you read some of the claims. Fingers crossed it'll be true for me. I already have detox symptoms, which is really excellent.

Now to get a little more specific.

Day 1
Day 1 was not NEARLY as bad as I was expecting it to be. I really love food and think about it constantly (I'm already aware of this), but was not nearly as upset as I was expecting. Yes, I thought about food a lot, but no more than normal. I didn't take the laxative the night before because I was going to use some laxatives I already had in my medicine cabinet. But, they were expired. And, it turns out that you're only supposed to use herbal non-laxatives (like Smooth Move). I think this made the Salt Water Flush extra miserable and painful that morning.

Day 2
Day 2 was by far the worst for me. I was uncontrollably cold all day... I had to end up taking a steaming hot bath to even try to get warm for bed time. In the morning I had a white tongue (I somewhat suspect that's from all the lemons, not actually detoxing). The Salt Water Flush also took me forever to drink and made me feel horrible--incredibly bloated. Like if you were to chug a soda/beer and couldn't burp. It also caused me to eliminate for HOURS after when it should've only been 30-45 min after the first elimination. I was so hungry. I kept questioning, WHY in the world am I doing this? Quitting smoking has got to be easier than attempting this crap. My boy tried to offer me encouragement, but it fell upon deaf ears. I was so hungry, all day. I sat there and smelled a piece of pepperoni while I drank the lemonade mixture. I ended up licking it a lot and sucking on it just a bit. I cannot wait until I get past the hump day and can be productive. I spent the whole day thinking about food and being miserable.

Day 3
The last 2 mornings it's been really hard for me to get up. Maybe it's the lack of coffee? Maybe it's just I'm tired because my body is detoxing? Or maybe I'm not drinking enough of the mixture and not getting enough of the syrup? Who knows. I know I'm not drinking enough. The first day I probably only had 3 glasses. Yesterday I maybe had 5? I think you're supposed to drink between 6-10 each day. Whoops! I will attempt to drink more today. Also more water. I'm dehydrated and it's playing havoc with my weight. The first day I weighed 126.5. Then, yesterday, it dropped down to 125, but went up to 126. Today, after my first morning elimination, I weighed 122.5. After drinking (3/4 of) the salt water solution, I weighed 125. If I could lose 7 lbs in 10 days, that would be really awesome. It would be SO nice to be under 120 again. I'm sure I'd work hard to keep it off. I managed to work out Day 1, but Day 2 I was so grumpy I couldn't. This morning I feel pretty great and might work out for a bit before I get to studying! I also had solid waste elimination today which is incredible because it's been like 2.5 days since I've had solid food. Also, reminder to self and those who may attempt to try this-- DO NOT PASS GAS. I saw this warning on a blog and didn't take it to seriously... It MUST be taken seriously. It is not gas that comes out! Disgusting, but true.

Male Eating Disorders

So something I never understood fully is men who have weight problems, unless you know, they're on the wrestling team. Friends that were on the high school wrestling team are still irrevocably screwed up years later. But, other than that, most of my guy friends have had a very realistic grasp on their weight even if they thought they needed to lose pounds. The guy I'm currently seeing just doesn't eat. I don't get it! He just doesn't like food. It's not laziness as I know this is a huge reason why a lot of guys won't eat in college because they don't want to cook---I offer to make him food! Even if he felt like he was imposing, I make my own food and then try and shove it down his face. More or less.

He maybe eats 500 calories a day when he should be eating close to 2,000 (6' male who works out every day). And even so, those 500 calories are his bland scrambled eggs (not even pepper!) and plain toast that I shove down his throat. I don't get it.

Don't get me wrong I get extremely happy every time I think about how as I make him eat more, I eat less. But still. I worry about him and I don't know how to approach it. I feel hypocritical, but I just find it odd that straight males refuse food.

P.S. Male EDs is way to close to Male ED : (Male Eating Disorders | Male Erectile Dysfunction)

Rebound Cycle

So this is the pattern I happen---no, no. RUT is a much better term. I feel fat, go overboard, rebound and eat terribly to feel better, which makes me feel worse, so then I feel fat, go overboard, etc. I'm getting rather sick of this cycle. The worst part is I'm now hooking up with this kid who might as well have an eating disorder of his own and HATES food. I don't get it.

My plan is to secretly make him fat while I get skinny. It's perfect. I have the satisfaction of cooking, but really he is shoveling all of it into his mouth. Also, if I do want a bite... I can have a nibble without feeling like I'm wasting the food.

Regardless, this scale is about to go flying out the window. Seriously tempted by the idea. Starting Saturday, I'm going on the Master Cleanse diet. Actually, I might start the 17th. Do you really have to take laxatives during those 10 days? My body does not agree with laxatives at all...

I'm a Fat Monster, Rah Rah Rah

I've had at least 2-3 boyfriends who have referred to me as their "little monster". Do you know why? BECAUSE I EAT LIKE A DAMN MONSTER. My dad has said to me thousands of time since I was little: "You always were a good eater".

I swear, I'd bite my own hand if it got in the way of my food sometimes.

I go on these kicks, which I'm sure a lot of people would call a diet. It's not a diet, it's a damn disease. I have a problem with hyperfocusing, especially when it comes to food. I literally overeat and shovel food into my mouth to the point where I make myself sick. Truly sick. I've vomited literally just from eating too much a week and a half ago. Not self-induced; I just actually ate so much my body rejected it and this is NOT after eating lightly previously.

Or, I compulsively under-eat, I work out constantly, and walk around mostly nude to glare at myself in mirrors as I walk by. I set out food in front of me and just stare at it until I'm ready to throw it away. I jog in place while I watch anorexia documentaries and think "that girl isn't that skinny".

You know, it'd be nice to not have a love/hate relationship with food in my life. Yet, like ever other abusive and addictive thing, you gotta know that will never happen.

P.S. I really hate cats (and generally these types of pictures), but this picture is totally appropriate.

Wii Fit Calories Burned

So I've owned a Wii Fit since early January. When I first got it, I loved it and played on it all day. Sometimes, yes, breaking a little bit of a sweat. Anyways, I always assumed it's calorie count was low. So today I figured I'd strap on my HRM that I got for my birthday and actually see how many calories I'm burning just sort of messing around on the game.

Basically, my HRM told me I burned 333 calories after only starting to measure partway through my activities. The Wii told me all of my activities totaled to 241 calories.

I seriously couldn't believe this, but I found other people who've said the same thing. Pretty cool, pretty cool.

overeating

I've been overeating like no other. You know those frozen meals? I've been eating them like a snack lately. I made an entire batch of brownie mix the other day and have just been eating it uncooked. I'm gross. I'm a glutton. What is with me? Either I shovel so much into my mouth I get to the point where I make myself sick OR I get so crazy about counting calories I start stressing out whether a .05 oz will make a difference.

Am I seriously doomed to be this crazy about food for the rest of my life?

Basically, I Suck

So, what have I been up to? I was blogging a few times a day and I sort of fell off the face of the earth. April 28th was my 22nd birthday and then that following weekend was my sort-of-boyfriend's fraternity's away weekend. Then final exams pretty much started and then I had a mess related to moving. So I haven't blogged for a month... and managed to gain 6 lbs as well. I feel awful. I finally finished moving in to my new place, weighed myself, and wanted to die. My original goal was to have lost SEVERAL pounds by now as my ex-boyfriend who said he broke up with me because I was getting fat is arriving tonight for a wedding this weekend.

It's actually more of incentive not to have sex with him so he can't see me naked. A few pounds can be hidden in skirts and dresses, but my body looks awful when I'm nude right now. Disgusting. I'm so discouraged.

I'm taking summer classes. I should get into a routine for eating and waking up and what not.

I've been so inexplicably tired lately though. However, I'm hoping that if I start blogging again, I'll start losing weight again.